TOM + LORENZO

Fabulous & Opinionated

Be Me or Do Me Bingo: Gwyneth Paltrow, Saving the World and Being Nice to Water

Chapter 16: Lifetime Achievement Award

“Unsurprisingly, male stars generally have an easier time of it than the ladies when it comes to growing older. Cue the surprise and shock. As we’ve indicated, Hollywood has some astonishingly retrograde ideas about gender, so it’s probably not surprising that the industry’s norms on appropriate dating ages stopped evolving around 1850 or so. Men with faces like parched deserts routinely date and even marry women whose high school diplomas are still drying. It doesn’t exactly make them appear younger, but it’s enough to keep them viable as celebri- ties for a little longer. His adult children will mostly refuse to be seen in public with his new child bride, and once she has a baby, the public will silently tsk at him for his irresponsibility while begrudgingly admiring him for still being fertile at his age.

Compare this to the lady side of the aisle, where a forty-year-old female star with the kind of bikini body that 95 percent of twenty-year-olds would kill for gets raked over the coals by the press and the public for allowing someone under the age of thirty to find her attractive and have sex with her. She’ll get compared to predatory animals and generally be seen as a slightly sad figure, trying desperately to stave off her inevitable descent into irrelevancy. Fortunately, most of these ladies couldn’t give less of a shit what the rest of the world thinks of them (hence the sleeping with men decades younger than they are), and they ignore the constant frowning and poo-pooing being directed at them in order to concentrate on having yet another orgasm that day.”

~ “Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me

Chapter 15: Acts of Contrition

“Sometimes a star reaches a point where the arrests happen more frequently than financial reports or she’s done something that the public, not to mention the authorities, can’t easily forgive, like desecrating the flag or being photographed shooting up while nursing her baby. This is when you separate the winners from the nominees. It’s sink or swim time, and if a star has that special something, she’ll reach deep inside, find that inner strength, pry that rock out of her nose, wash her hair, borrow that dress, and show up on the courthouse steps sporting an eight-hundred-dollar pair of sunglasses and a renewed sense of purpose. The lesson here is, when you hit rock bottom, dress like you’re here to pick up your award.”

~ “Everyone Wants to Be Me or Do Me